This is one of those posts that I really should never admit to, but whatever. I never claimed to be the perfect mother. This is the proof that I'm not.
In one day, I had two things happen that are a direct result of my lovely parenting skills.
On Monday, it was raining so I took Hayden and Kate to the store really quick before the girls got out of school. It's always much easier to take two kids to the store in the rain instead of four. As we are at the
check stand, my sweet little Hayden starts singing.
At first I think, "Aw, what a cute boy." But then, I really start listening to what he is singing. I am mortified.
He is singing at the top of his lungs, "I don't dance, I do big poops." Then he laughs and says, "No, not big poops *giggle, giggle.*" I say, "Hayden, stop singing please." Oh no, the kid continues with, "I don't dance. I just do farts." Again, he giggles.
Oh jeez, where is a hole that I can crawl in? By now the checker is giggling, Hayden is loving the attention and Kate is laughing.
His grand finale is his rendition of, "We all go poop together." Seriously, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. But the only one to blame for my humiliation is myself.
You see, at night when I am tucking Hayden in he always asks me to "make him laugh." His favorite is when I change the lyrics of songs to wrong lyrics and then say, "No, that's not what it says." For some reason, the High School Musical and
HSM2 lyrics are the most fun to change. And, yes, I usually sing those very lyrics that he was singing at the top of his lungs in the store.
So, you see, it's all my fault. I am reaping what I have sown.
Story #2 is the one I am even more humiliated to admit.
That very same, rainy day, I was taking
Rylee to piano lessons. Before we left, she shoved a huge wad of
Bubblicious bubble gum in her mouth.
Those wads are so huge, it makes me want to gag just thinking about shoving a whole piece in my mouth. But my sweet girl loves the stuff and apparently doesn't mind the fact that you can't breathe when a whole piece is in your mouth.
She is chomping away and we are on our way out of the neighborhood. I turn to her and say, "
Rylee, you really need to get rid of that gum. You can't be chomping on that at piano lessons. It is distracting and no one wants to listen to you sloshing the stuff around and chomping on it." I am just a firm believer that there is no polite way to chew on a piece of gum that big. So I tell her to spit it out.
"Where?"
Rylee is looking around the van wondering where she should spit out the horrendous wad.
Like a good mother I say, "Roll down your window and chuck it out the window. Just make sure it doesn't land on the sidewalk so you don't step on it when you walk to school tomorrow." I am so proud to admit I actually said that. (Really, where is the darned sarcasm font?)
So,
Rylee rolls down her window and chucks her gum.
Fast forward to when we get back in the van to go pick her up. I walk around to the passenger side to help Kate get in and notice that the lovely wad is stuck to the side of my van. I could blame it on the fact that my daughter made a weak attempt to "throw" the gum out the window instead of gently placing it outside the window. But we all know it is my fault for telling her to
huck it out the window in the first place.
So all of you people who are disgusted with my parenting skills, take comfort in knowing that I had to pull that yummy wad off the side of my van and take
it in the house and throw it properly in the trash where it belonged.
Again, I reaped exactly what I had so perfectly sown. My kids have no shot at becoming proper, polite human beings if they learn from me. I think it's time to turn the parenting over to Bill. :)
