Where Do I Draw The Line?

So I have a moral question to pose: Is it okay to teach my daughter to beat the crap out of a naughty little boy? Before you answer, let me explain:

A few months ago, Rylee came home from school complaining about a mean boy. We brought the problem up with her teacher at parent-teacher conference and were told that, "The boy's parents don't really know what to do with him either." Well, fantastic, but I don't find that acceptable. Let's just excuse kids who act like turds and look away. Maybe if we ignore the problem long enough, it will go away. I DON'T THINK SO!!!

So, the school year progresses and just after Thanksgiving, Rylee stops eating breakfast and dinner and brings home most of the lunch I send with her to school every day. You need to understand, she is the one who appreciates food. She tries new things and loves all kinds of food. She is my one who isn't a garbage gut, and she really appreciates a good healthy meal. So for her to never eat is weird. She kept telling me her tummy hurt all the time.....

Finally, last Wednesday it all came to a head when I tried to feed her yet again and she said she wasn't hungry. So after asking about a million questions I finally found out that she was afraid to go to school because of this same stinkin' boy. She said that right after Thanksgiving he started finding her on the playground every recess and tripping her or pushing her down. Then the dang kid recruited two other boys to gang up on her. I asked her why she didn't tell me this earlier and she proceeded to explain to me that there was nothing we could do about it. When I asked her why, she told me that we had already told the teacher at parent-teacher conference and she had told the teachers after recess numerous times with hardly no consequence to the boys. (They have to "pull a bear" if they are naughty. If they pull three bears in a day they get an "oops ticket". Wooptie freakin' doo!) So basically they can torment her all they want with no real consequence and get a fresh start the next day. Don't get me wrong, I believe in second and third chances. But seriously, when it is a recurring, daily problem, how many chances does a kid deserve? Anyway, I also asked Rylee if she walked away from them on the playground and told them to stop. She said she did. She said she always tried to completely steer clear of them, but she was always found and tormented. No tolerance for bullying - MY FOOT!

Well, after getting all of this out of her, I kept her home from school the next morning for a mental health day and we went to the school to talk to the principal. He wasn't there, but we left him a note to call us and we went for donuts. She then wanted to go back to school after lunch as long as she didn't have to go out for recess. So I took her back and talked to the teacher again. To her credit she did talk to the boys and make them apologize. I think she could see that we meant business. To make a long story short the principal called after school and I explained everything. I told him I was trying to keep "Mama bear" inside and be objective. Maybe she was teasing them or egging it on somehow. But the principal said she probably wasn't exaggerating and that he would talk to her the next morning first thing.

I am so proud of Rylee! I was afraid she wouldn't want to talk to the principal, but she wanted to do it herself. I agreed she should. I think too many people forget that kids have something to say and we sometimes forget to keep our mouths shut and let them talk instead of talking for them. Now she knows she can have a say in her own conflict resolutions and that she is surrounded by adults who will listen. The problem is now resolved. The principal handled it beautifully and Rylee ate meals all week. She is a different kid. But I still have one problem.

My daughter isn't perfect. I am definitely not a parent who thinks her kids can do no wrong. However, she showed a lot of maturity in this whole thing. She thought it through and figured she had no other options and that she was just going to deal with it even though it was making her sick. Bill and I have raised her to always respect people and that she doesn't ever need to resort to teasing, bullying, etc. But have we raised a big pantie-waste? (I have no idea how you correctly spell that, but you know what I mean!) Before Rylee went in to talk to the principal, Bill said he was going to teach her where to really kick a boy to hurt him. I have to say, I didn't entirely disagree. Up to that point, she was shown by the school's actions (or lack thereof) that "boys will be boys" and they can get away with being mean. So then what happens when she grows up and, heaven forbid, is on a date and a boy tries something. She does NOT need the belief that "boys will be boys" and she just better take it. So what if nothing had been resolved with the principal and the boys kept bullying her? We would both feel out of options. Am I a bad mom to say that at that point I would tell her to give that boy a taste of his own medicine and to really make it bad? When do we teach our kids it is time to be assertive and defend themselves? How many chances do people have? Honestly, after seeing my daughter not eat for a month and a half, I think I would rather have her kick the kid's butt (or something else) than be sick. What do you think? I could go on and on about this one, but I just need some feedback. I didn't bargain for these questions and issues when I signed up to be a mom. And she is only in first grade!!! Holy crap!